The Mothership - Ms. Duh Monthly

March, 2008 Edition

by Ms. Duh
Contributing Columnist

It's still March. Neener, neener. So I'm not LATE with this month's column, in the loosest definition of late. It's spring, so we are going to do a little mental spring cleaning. A shaking out of the MDM (Ms. Duh Monthly), clearing up loose ends, blowing out the cobwebs, that sort of thing.

First item of business: THIS THING! Remember THIS THING? It was my attempt to get out of writing a real column, which backfired horribly so. It's a gaping maw that has swallowed me whole and spit me out in some neural netted body suit with NO EARTHLY WAY to end it. As I was agonizing over whether I should send myself over the cliff with Dr. Moriarty, or possibly wake up next to Suzanne Pleshette (RIP), I thought about you. You dear readers and lurkers and stalkers. Do you even read that? Is it something you want me to finish? Because, hey, I pride myself on catering to my audience, especially if it means I don't have to make any extra effort. That is how much I care for you, gentle readers. Please. The four or five of you who read, email me at duh@mac.com and tell me, if A) you read this, B) you read this because terrorists are forcing you at gunpoint and C) you want me to finish the story. Because it is far from being my great white whale, so I just assume have me die naked as a jaybird, in a great hail of gunfire whilst ridding the world of the evil, yet oh so nerdy faction out to destroy our world as we know it. Oh, and while you're giving your two cents, feel free to insult and heap personal abuse upon me. I just can't get enough of that.

Second. My new iphone. I was wrong. I was so wrong. I was wrong, wrong, wrong. Cell phones are wonderful, and the iphone is kickin'. It was INVALUABLE on my vacation to the backwoods of North Carolina, and I've discovered a whole new world when I set the thing on vibrate and place it directly on my hipbone. Sigh. The maps kept me from driving clean to Florida, and the texting while drive taught me a valuable new skillset that I'll be able to utilize where ever I go. Plus. And I know, that people will send me the iPod bashing archived columns after I say this, but I like the iPod. Little headphones and all.

Third. No clean up column of mine is complete without the obligatory reference to Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer, 24, or the potential nakedness that one could only hope for from any of the aforementioned. In the midst of hari kari triggered by the news of no 24 this year, a friend sent me this: http://www.tvsquad.com/2008/03/06/24-prequel-tv-movie-set-for-fall/. There is a god, and he loves me.

Fourth. I am coming to Macworld in 2009. Inviting all my four readers and two stalkers to have a drink with me. Except for the guy who thinks I'm a lesbian with a mustache. I'll gladly buy you a big cup of bite me, though. Anytime I'm in town.

Five. There is no five. Made you look. Neener. Neener.