Chapter Three: The plot thickens...and then thins out a bit...but then reduces after 15 minutes and makes a creamy sauce....


AAUUGHHH.

It's daylight.

I'm on the sidewalk, pants on backwards, daylight burning my pale, white skin. And Ninja Nerds after me. Never thought I'd say all of those words sober. Why? WHY? WHY would nerds be after me?

I ducked into the alleyway to put my pants on straight. I thought, "Sweet little delicate flower as I would have never done anything to provo.... uh... okay... my mind started churning over every bad thing I had done in the last two weeks that a nerd would care about. HHmmmm.... Kay. I went to an "I love Bill Gates" forum and said they were all going to fry like apple fritters in the bowels and deepest recesses of hell.... I went to a warez site, and dared them to beet mah 31337 M@c sk177z.... oh and I told some linux geeks on usenet that they were pathetic, loser, basement boys who's only sexual activity involves an elf figurine from their precious Lord of the Rings action figure set and copious amounts of kleenex.

Yeah. I live on the edge.

Hmmm. Oh yeah. I did get some strange files off an unprotected computer that showed up on the network when I tapped into the cable internet on the pole outside my window. But. But. But. If it was a REAL nerds computer, he would have locked it up tighter than Joan Rivers' face skin. hmmmmmm....

I looked around. No sign of black pajamas, white tube socks or pocket protectors. So I headed out for the first yuppiefied overpriced coffee house with wifi and snooty counter people, so I could investigate further this ninja mystery. Plus I could go for one of those powdered sugar croissants.

I wandered around downtown, trying to avoid the ghastly looks of the norms, who recoiled in horror, I suspect, at the poofy bedhead I was sporting and my "Sexy When Wet" t-shirt. I found myself in front of "Watermark Books." I have never seen so much white hair, animal printed stretch pants, and condescension in my life. If I enter here, surely, many many upper crusty, overly coiffured ladies would huff and puff themselves into some wheezing seizure. And of course, considering this, I just HAD to go in.

Next Time-
Chapter Four: Oh, you mean I have to BUY something to sit here?

---

---