Chapter One: Duh has to put on pants.


It's nice outside.

But the only way I know this is because of some evil, evil people.

I work with Macs. By trade, I am required to stare at a Mac about 10 hours a day for slave wages, and the occasional free Dr. Pepper. I usually get up before the sun rises and get home after the sun sets, and when I do, I play on the computer for another couple of hours before I am done for the day. So, you could say that I have another head that sits on the desk with a 19" viewable image area.

Needless to say, sometimes my lack of human interaction, my sallow complexion, and total lack of interest in bathing worries people. My sum total of activities these days are on the Mac. This is how I shop (amazon.com, jcrew.com), this is how I spend time with people (yourmaclife forums, ichat), this is how I get Whahizface to get me a soda from the other room (I email him) and this is how I play (Snood, baby).

So, the norms around me are wanting me to come out of my dank electronic cave into the blinding, burning daylight, and possibly interact with people. Well. I wasn't having ANY of that, nosirreebob. Not only are norms scary, but they always want you to do stuff like go to the mall, or brush your teeth. Meh.

On my Mac, if I wanted to, I could travel to the pyramids of Egypt, or discuss the political and socio-economic implications of the terrorism in the middle east, or chat with friends for hours and hours and hours until the onset of carpal tunnel makes me have to start typing with my toes.

But apparently, it's better to talk to real people. Oh, and to have pants on. Sometimes I wonder about you people there in the outside world.

I was THIS close to actually venturing forth unto the light, but just looking out the window in the daytime sent every fiber of my being screaming under my comforter. So after getting a cookie and some milk, finding the remote control for the TV, and burning my pants, I sat down to watch some Spongebob Squarepants whilst playing a little Tropico on the Mac.

I heard this knock on the door, when there should be no knock on the door. I have no brick and mortar friends, I detest people in general and all the bill collectors just phone, so this was strange for me to have a visitor in the middle of the day. So I pretty much ignored it.

Then the knocking got louder. I grabbed the laptop, getting annoyed at the real world for intruding on my cartoon time, and went to go hide in the closet. I wasn't past the second level of Snood, when I heard this CRASHING and ominous footsteps slowly walking through my house....

Next Time-
Chapter Two: Ninjas don't laugh.