The Mothership - Ms. Duh Monthly

April, 2006 Edition

by Ms. Duh
Contributing Columnist

And now for something completely different...

Chapter, oh, I'll say 11:

I SAID, CHAPTER 11: (((poke)))

C-H-H-A-A-P-P-T-T-E-E-R-R----11111: ((((poke, poke))) ...wha..WHa.. oh .oh (wake up, she's back) YAAAwnnn...

"This suit tingles", I said as I admired the thing, although it felt like I had been wearing the thing for months and months and.. (oh, sorry)

"It's an electronic sensory net which interacts with your central nervous system. It relays data to your system that your brain can interpret as sensations - sound, touch, sights..."

I suddenly got the flash of American idol in my head.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MAKE IT STOP!!!!" I screamed.

"Oh, for some reason, occasionally it picks up television and radio broadcasts..." said Dexter.

"Shoot," I said cocking my head to the side, "Rat bastages at Fox canceled 'Arrested Development'." Disgusted, I sat there stunned watching the replacement for the series "Armpit Shaving With Celebrities". A plaugue.

"PAY ATTENTION..." Dexter scolded, clapping his hands together like a hysterical French concierge.

"Oh sorry..."

"The neural net in the suit will enhance and expand your normal senses and has the strength of kevlar..."

"WHY WOULD I NEED TO HAVE KEVLAR?"

"Just a precaution, I'm sure there's no..."

"Okay. Changed my mind. Where's my clothes? Where's the exit? Where's the FRIGGIN BATHROOM..."

Whilst I protested too much, Dex and the others led me into the back, dank hallway which smelled a bit of urine and burned pizza. An overhead light illuminated a table with a gathering of mumbling troll men and schematics to what looked like.....

"APPLE CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS???" I gasped. I had recognized it from many a Macworld side trip....

"YES. Implant the code into the belly of the mothership, itself..."

I looked around for Wil Smith or Jeff Goldblum and didn't see either. So this must be real. Unfortunately...

Chapter 12: Do you know the way to San Jose?